Finally, being truthful:

I find this quite an irony, but so seems to be life. I have always hated anything remotely close to being philo, so is not what I am. I have moved on in life in every way that I can fathom and I realise that so have you, ever since we parted. I have been crazily good and happy all the days. But,

I fail to understand one part of life. Why did we have to get together so fast and end it so fast when something seemed to happen, before something could. And why should I ponder over it even two years after it did, at this hour of a day, when all I seek is a peaceful sleep, the stone sleep devoid of any snore that I am used to.

I am told that I come up with a reason for everything, and I laugh to hear that. It reminds me of one situation for which I fail to find a reason. And I believe you being smart enough to know what it is.

I hope you do not take this the wrong way and I pray such hope is not against hope. All I want to say is, it hurts every time to think that I had treated a wonderful girl in a manner which she never would deserve, and perhaps never gave the consideration or expressed in the right manner of the true emotion I had (have). I am not into going back to a thing of past and being guilt ridden, I can perhaps never be. But,

It does hurt. And it does not seem to subside.

It does not seem to matter if it is a day of activity, day of fun, day of work, all it seems to matter is, that the thought or perhaps the emotion has never deserted. And more importantly, it does not make me sad. It brings a dutiful smile, that others call as the trademark of mine. It tells me of a day that I owned a dream, which was truly rich, fragrant, and beautiful. I live a dream today that is no less beautiful. But,

It is not the same.

Quite an emotional outpour, something that is as true as fiction if it was usual for what I am. But,

This is not usual. This is the rare true self of that I am, one that the rarest amongst rarest has witnessed, which not many might in a day later than this.

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Yet again my memory fails me when it comes to the essentials, phone numbers and email ids. Where the mail took no more than a minute perhaps, the address took no less than ten of them. Thanks heaven, I was not into deleting texts or mails in a day of past.